Meltdown
by OriginalPippie
Summary: Bam is very troubled to say the least.
1. Chapter 1

Missy screamed when the pile of dishes that were in the sink were thrown onto the floor, with most of them shattering. Bam rushed over to the silverware drawer and pulled it open all the way. He then pulled the drawer out completely and dumped all of its contents out onto the floor and then threw the drawer in front of him not even caring where it landed. He dove down to the pile of metal eating utensils and hastily began rummaging through them. Missy, horrified, placed a hand on his back and tried to grip his shirt to bring him towards her so she could calm him down but he threw his elbow back into her.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

He reached into the pile again and picked up what he had been searching for. Missy's already frightened eyes widened once she saw what was in his hand.

"Bam! What's that knife for! What are you gonna do with that knife!"

Bam just blocked her frantic questions out, clutched the knife in his hand, and stormed past her out of the room. She followed him into the lounge and stopped to watch what he was about to do. She shook when he lifted the knife as if to stab someone or something with it.

"Bam! Put it down! No it's not worth it! Bam no!"

Her shouts were blocked out like before. Bam slammed the knife down puncturing the nearest object in front of him. Missy mentally sighed in relief over the fact that the knife went intro the couch and not into Bam like she feared it would. She stood back and watched fearfully as Bam tore into the couch with the knife, ripping the material on the couch to shreds. He ripped the pillows causing the stuffing to spill out. He stabbed the couch repeatedly as if he were imagining someone in its place. He then stabbed the couch once more with one last great thrust, causing the knife to stick straight up inside of the couch. Before Missy could say anything or move from her spot Bam had turned away from the couch and rushed to the bathroom.

Missy followed him into the bathroom, trying to talk him back into a state of calmness. There was no use in trying to talk to him or calm him down at this point but Missy had to try any way. There he stood in the bathroom staring at the mirror. He huffed in anger and clenched his fists at his sides, and stared at his reflection with a lot of hatred. Bam turned and left the room, pushing Missy aside before returning with a skateboard in his hand. Without hesitation he flung the skateboard as hard as he could into the bathroom mirror, causing the mirror to shatter into a million pieces. He then picked up the skateboard and left the room. Missy didn't see where he had gone but once she heard him shout she knew where he was.

She rushed to the garage where she found Bam. Bam had thrown the skateboard through one of the windows of one of the vehicles and was continuing to destroy the vehicle. He kicked at it, threw things at it, beat on it, grabbed whatever he could get his hands on to hit it with; all while Missy stood back and watched. Meanwhile Missy had figured that the only thing she could do was just make sure that Bam wasn't going to actually hurt himself.

Bam screamed and shouted as he destroyed everything in his path. And all Missy could do was watch.

"I hate this!" he picked up the skateboard and broke it in half "I hate all this fucking shit!"

He threw the skateboard halves against the garage door. He then tore open the car door on the driver's side and started it up. Bam then got into the car and drove it through the garage door. Missy shrieked and covered her eyes, not even noticing that Bam had left the car and took a mad dash towards somewhere unknown. Moments later she heard one of the four wheelers drive by at top speed. She ran out of the garage to see Bam recklessly tearing through the yard on the four wheeler.

Bam drove off as fast as the four wheeler could possibly go, towards the woods, and Missy ran trying to keep up with him. He slammed the four wheeler into a tree and jumped off of it. When Missy finally got there Bam was up in the tree top casino sitting on the floor. Missy climbed up and went inside the casino where she saw Bam. She cautiously approached Bam, trying not to startle him. Bam sat there rubbing the top of his legs and taking deep breaths. He stared in front of him with a blank expression on his face. He began to shake and pulled his legs up to his chest as he closed his eyes. He shook harder and proceeded to lie part way down on his stomach as tears began to pour from his eyes. Missy stepped forward but he reached out with one hand to push her away.

"Stay away from me!" He screamed through sobs

Bam remained there on the floor of the casino shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. After a little but Missy managed to pull Bam up and brought him inside.

….

"I'm in here April!" Missy called out

Missy stood in the bathroom sweeping up the glass from the broken mirror. April came up to the bathroom and looked around.

"Oh my God… you say Bam did this?"

Missy nodded "He flipped out and began destroying things. Did you see what he did downstairs?"

"I saw enough. What caused him to do this?"

"I don't know exactly; it sort of happened so fast. I guess everything finally got to him at once and he just… snapped."

April sighed and looked around some more "Where is he now?"

"He's in the bedroom."

April went towards the bedroom and lightly knocked on the door. There was no answer; just whimpering. She slowly opened the door and stepped inside. Bam was curled up on the bed and was softly crying. April went over to the bed and sat down by him, pulling him into her arms. Bam looked up at her and then wrapped his arms around her as he buried his face into her chest. April lightly rubbed and patted is back to soothe him.

"Shh… honey… it'll be ok."

"Mom?" He whimpered "What… what's wrong with me?"

"I wish I knew. But we're going to find out."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Bam lay in bed with a frown and tear streaks on his face. It was just a couple hours since he had his destructive meltdown. Missy walked into the bedroom and looked at him for a moment. Right then as she looked at him and saw how calm he appeared to be, she had a feeling that his meltdown was just beginning. The past few years of Bam's life and his personal changes had really taken a toll on Bam's psyche as well as his body. It was only a matter of time that with Bam's reckless crazy lifestyle, and being swept away with the money and fame, before he would self destruct. Missy and other people had seen this coming for a while but no one could tell Bam what could happen to him or what he should do to prevent it and everyone knew that so they left him alone to continue doing the same reckless things and continue to change.

Missy went up to the bed and sat down by Bam. She lightly ran a hand down Bam's side. Bam didn't react at all toward Missy being there. He stared at the wall across the room barely blinking. There was no telling what could have been going on through his mind right then, if anything at all was going through it. Missy sighed and patted Bam's arm lightly.

"Bam?"

He turned his head and looked back at her. His eyes alone made her uncomfortable. They showed so much disturbance and were so dark they didn't even look like his own eyes. She couldn't even tell if they looked sad, scared, upset or confused when he looked at her. She sighed again, trying to figure out what she was going to say to him.

"I don't know what's going on with you right now, but I'm going to try anything I can to help you get back to normal."

Bam looked away from her and closed his eyes. Missy ran her hand up and down over Bam's arm in a soothing manner and sighed. She then stood up and left the room, leaving him to lie there.

….

Bam slowly made his way downstairs. He didn't speak and barely looked up. He looked as though he was grieving someone's death; sad and yet almost scared. As he looked around at everything that he had destroyed he began to tremble a little. He went over to the couch and froze in his spot. He could not take his eyes off of the couch or the knife that was still stuck in it. His trembling grew worse as he sat down, staring at the couch and what he had done to it.

Bam looked at the seat next to him and began to run his hand over top of it. His fingers grazed every edge of the rips in the material and then ran over the tops of every stab hole he had created with the knife. He stopped moving his hand over the cushion and closed his eyes. His breathing began to quicken and he brought his hands up to cover his face. Leaning forward he started rocking back and forth a little. He took his hands away from his face and balled up one hand into a fist. With his fist he hit his leg to let out a little bit of remaining anger. He began to pound his fist over and over into the couch as well as on his leg, causing tears to start to surface again. He managed to keep the tears back but he tilted his head back and let out a scream of anguish. Bam then held the sides of his head, and gripped some of his hair in between his fingers. His eyes were closed tight and his breathing had increased becoming more rapid and panicky.

Moving his hands away from his head he slammed one hand down beside him. His fingers grazed the knife and then he opened his eyes. He lifted and turned his head to look at the knife before pulling it out of the couch cushion. He held the knife in his hands, studying it for a moment. Then almost as a reflex he rolled up one of his pant legs and then lifted the knife. He quickly jabbed the knife tip into his leg a little and dragged the knife down, leaving a long red oozing line. He moved the knife back up and was about to make another cut in his leg.

"Bam!" Missy shrieked

Her voice startled Bam and he looked up at her in fear. He looked down at his leg and the knife in his hand and then began to shake some more. He dropped the knife and covered is face again as tears begun to fall. Missy went up to him and knelt down in front of him, pulling him into her arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

There he sat on the edge of his bed holding onto himself and rocking back and forth a little. Just minutes ago he was lying down in fetal position trying to get some sleep. Every time he closed his eyes to sleep they would come open again. His mind just would not shut off and rest. Wild images kept running through his head preventing sleep to come. Images that he didn't understand. Images of himself. He wasn't sure if these images were memories from the past, memories from recent occurrences, or made up dream-like images of himself. Perhaps they were images of things that were yet to occur. Whatever they were, Bam couldn't stand seeing them. They frightened and confused him to no end but he had no idea how to get rid of them other than to prevent himself from sleeping.

Missy came into the room to check on him. She stood in front of the bed looking at him. He kept his gaze on the floor for a moment before closing his eyes. He began to rub his arms and rock some more. His body began shaking and he muttered softly to himself. As he muttered incoherently he didn't notice that Missy had sat next to him on the bed. She placed a hand on his back, causing him to jump and move away. He jerked his head up and his eyes opened wide as he looked at her. His fearful eyes stared at her and he began to breathe in a panic.

"Bam it's ok; it's me."

He stared at her in fear for a few seconds as he tried to recall who was sitting there before him. His breathing calmed down and his eyes returned to normal size and he leaned forward and rested his head on her chest.

"Missy…"

She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his back a little "It's ok baby." She said softly

Tears began to fall against Missy's shirt as Bam quietly cried. He sniffed a little bit here and there and Missy held him close. Soon the tears stopped and he pulled away from her. His eyes were slightly swollen from the tears as he looked at her. He shook his head and looked away.

"I've got to do something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. But I can't be like this.

….

Bam and Missy sat in the car, parked in the parking lot pf the nearby building. He looked out the window and gazed upon the small brick building before them and Missy placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Bam you sure about this?"

"No. But I feel like I have to do something dramatic."

"This will be pretty dramatic since no one would be expecting it from you."

Bam sighed and shook his head "I don't know if I can do this."

"Just do whatever feels right to you."

Bam nodded and unbuckled his seatbelt before opening his door. He peeked his head in the car after stepping out.

"Stay here and be ready to drive when I tell you to."

He pulled his jacket closer to his body and adjusted his sunglasses before strolling into the bank. Once inside he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked around for security cameras, noting their positions. He knew that as he walked around the room that he must have been putting off a shady appearance, but he didn't really care. Stepping up to the counter he motioned to the bank teller to come over to him. He whispered to the teller and looked around at the other people in the bank to make sure they couldn't hear what was being said. A few people flashed him strange looked and whispered amongst themselves, pointing towards Bam. Bam held his breath because he started to feel his nerves act up. He could tell that people around him were beginning to judge him and were thinking that he was going to do something threatening.

The bank teller, as requested by Bam, quickly handed him a sack of money. With the sack in hand, Bam quickly turned and left the back without saying a word or looking at a single person. He made it back to the running car and hopped in.

"Go!"

"Bam why are you acting like that? You didn't rob the bank; you took money from your own account."

"I don't care just go!"

Without questioning Bam any further Missy hit the gas pedal and pulled out of the parking lot.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

Bam had Missy pull over to the curb and then he got out of the car. He pulled out a stack of money from his bag and walked up to the nearest guy he saw. He quickly grabbed the man's hand and held it open. The man tried to pull his hand away but before he could Bam had placed a stack of money in it and closed his fingers over it.

"Don't ask just take it!"

Confused, the man looked at Bam as Bam rushed away down the sidewalk. Bam did that to a few more unsuspecting people along the way. A couple people tried to question his actions, thinking it was some sort of prank, and a couple people simply thanked him as happily as they could be. But Bam paid no attention to anything that anyone he passed said to him. He ran around a corner and threw a stack of money behind him, not caring where it landed.

As he ran and got rid of the money from the bag, he allowed tears to flow from his eyes. Right then he hated everything in his current life that involved his fame. He wished that he could strip away all his fame and just live a normal life. However that was going to be impossible to do so he felt at that moment the best thing he could do was get rid of some of his wealth any way he could think of. He didn't want to simply spend the money because that would have given him a bunch of things that he didn't want or need. With his fame he had become able to frivolously spend large amounts on money on anything he could want, even if it was the most foolish and unnecessary purchase he could ever make. But now he didn't want to be able to do such a thing. He had to change this part of his life and he had to change it fast.

Once the bag was empty he stood against a wall catching his breath. He then slid down to the ground, shaking and crying. He pounded his fist against the ground beside him as he sobbed. Missy pulled up to the nearby curb and got out of the car. She went right up to him and sat beside him. Out of instinct he leaned against her and cried into her shoulder. She placed a hand on the side of his head to pull him a little closer to her and kissed his temple. As she wiped some of his tears away he looked at her. His lip trembled and he tried to choke back sobs so he could speak.

"Take… take me home… now."

Missy nodded and helped him up onto his feet. She opened the car door for him and helped him inside before getting in on the driver's side. As she drove she kept glancing at Bam. Bam bit down on his knuckle and sniffed occasionally. He still shook but he wasn't crying nearly as much as he was before. She sighed a little, looking away from Bam, and continued driving back home.

….

Missy waked Bam inside and sat him down in one of the leather chairs in the lounge. He sat there with his hands on his legs and was looking down at the floor. A deep brood was resting upon his face as he sat there gazing at nothing. Tears had stained his face but he had no intentions on cleaning the tear stains off.

He sat there for a little while, not even noticing that he was alone. When he finally looked up he looked around the room and his eyes widened. He started to go into a panic until Missy came into his view. She approached him with caution and sat in the other chair by him. He calmed down and looked away from her. The two of them sat there in silence for a little while. Bam sat there and stared almost fiercely as a million thoughts seemed to be running through his mind at the same time. Missy looked over at him.

"Bam are you alright?"

His eyes widened and he slowly stood up. He shook slightly as his eyes wildly scanned the room. Missy sat there watching him closely and waited for him to snap. He closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again. When he opened them they weren't nearly as wide as they were before and they appeared strangely calm.

"Missy… I…" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair

"What's the matter?"

"I…" He shook his head "There are so many voices going through my head right now… and not one of them is my own."

"What… what do you mean?" She gulped

"I don't know." He paused "Actually I do know but it doesn't make sense to me at all. These… these voices are telling me all kinds of things but I can't figure out what to listen to or if I should listen to them." He closed his eyes and held his head in his hands

"Bam you're scaring me."

He opened his eyes and looked as though he was about to cry again "I-I'm scaring myself right now." He collapsed to his knees, still holding his head "I have no idea what's going on!"

Missy went down beside him and put her arms around him.

"Shh baby… everything is going to be alright."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

The reporter stood outside Bam's house with the camera man, waiting for someone to come outside. Missy opened the door and looked out at them. She talked to the reporter, trying to explain that Bam wouldn't be up for an interview but the reporter insisted on getting an interview anyway. Missy nodded her head and told them to wait there while she returned inside. Moments later she had coaxed Bam to step outside to talk to the reporter. He took one look at the camera and instantly his nerves acted up. Even though Missy had informed him about the camera and even though it wasn't on at the moment, he still did not feel ready to stand before it.

At the most part during the pre-interview Bam tried his hardest to ignore the camera and focus on the reporter. He did not hold eye contact with the reporter while speaking to her and he often looked down at his feet. He was alright for a little bit until she made him look directly at the camera when it was on. His eyes widened and he gulped, trying to swallow a forming lump in his throat. He also suddenly found it difficult to let any words come out.

"I'm standing here just outside the home of Bam Margera, talking to him about his very surprising act of generosity he pulled off yesterday when he gave away large amounts of his own money to random people walking along the streets of downtown West Chester. Bam could you tell us about this good deed of yours?"

Bam stared at the camera timidly and began to stammer.

"Bam?"

"Uh… I uh…" He swallowed and tried to steady his growing nerves "I… I… oh God…"

All he could focus on was the camera. He hated seeing the camera right then to the point that he wanted to cry. He tried to look away from the camera but he just couldn't.

"Wha-what was your question?" He asked with his voice almost cracking

"Could you tell us about this good deed you've done? Why did you give your money away?"

Bam shook his head "No… no it wasn't meant as a good deed! I-I…" His lower lip shook and his eyes began to fill with tears "I can't deal with this shit! Please… Please leave me alone!"

He pushed the camera away, nearly causing the camera man to drop it, and ran away. The reporter was stunned as she looked at the camera.

"Shut it off. Let's just leave."

After she saw what had happened from inside, Missy ran outside and went after Bam. She found him out in the driveway sitting down in front of Vito's car that was cemented into the ground. He had his face covered as he cried intensely.

"I can't take this!" He sobbed "I never want to see another fucking camera ever again!"

Missy bent down to put her arms around him. But unlike other times when he would have allowed her to hold and comfort him, he pulled away from her.

"No!"

She sat back and watched him as he sobbed. She wanted so much to hold onto him or to say some soothing words to him but this time as Bam cried, she felt as though she would only make him feel worse.

Bam suddenly stopped crying and looked up. Everything was completely silent as Bam and Missy sat there. Bam just sat there looking straight ahead of him and Missy looked directly at Bam. After a couple minutes of staying in that state, Bam slowly stood up and began heading back to the house. Missy stood up as well and called out after him, but he ignored it and continued walking. Missy, though keeping her distance from Bam, followed him all the way back inside the house.

….

Bam lay in bed with is hand tucked neatly beneath the pillow. He was perfectly still and calm but his mind was not able to be at rest. His eyes were open but they didn't appear troubled or upset at the slightest bit; just relaxed. In his mind flashes of the scene from earlier with the reporter and camera man played over and over. The same voices he had heard the night before began speaking to him again, but this time there weren't nearly as many voices and they were easier to understand. Bam lay there trying to make sense of everything that he had been experiencing the past few days.

Just downstairs Missy sat in the dining room talking to April on the phone. She explained to April everything that had been going on with Bam since April last came by the house. They talked about different options on what should be done about Bam and the state that he was in. Once option that was brought up, that made the most sense to them, was checking Bam into the hospital.

After hanging up with April, Missy went upstairs to the bedroom to check on Bam. She quietly knocked on the door to let him know that she was about to enter the room. Bam didn't respond like she expected so she stepped inside. She froze in her spot as she looked around the room. There was no trace of Bam ever being in there except for the fact that the window was wide open.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

Missy wrung her hands nervously and glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time as if checking the time frequently would bring Bam home safely or cause someone to come by the house with news that they've heard from or seen Bam. The door opened causing her to jump a little. She got up and walked over to the door hoping that it was Bam walking in. A bit of disappointment washed over her when she saw Phil and April come in.

"Did you find him? Did you hear from him?" She asked almost franticly

Phil shook his head "Sorry. No one's seen or heard from him any where."

Missy sighed "Where could he be? Where could he have gone?"

April wrapped her arms around Missy "Calm down we'll find him."

"April, of all people, how could iyou/i be so calm?"

April sighed and shook her head "I may appear to be calm but the truth is I'm not."

"Well you're a really good actress then."

"Well I don't know about that."

The three of them sat down in the living room and began to discuss Bam. They discussed what to do to go about finding Bam. They discussed if they should just sit there and wait for Bam to either return or to call them. They discovered the possibilities of Bam not returning and what they should do if that possibility came true. Since Bam had not been missing long enough they couldn't inform the police about Bam's disappearance.

They were all, though not all of them showed it, a bundle of nerves. Every time the phone rang Missy would run over to it to answer it. But she'd answer it only to become disappointed over the fact that the person on the other end of the line was any one but Bam.

The day soon turned into night. Missy stood in front of the window gazing out toward the driveway. Phil and April had long since left the house and told Missy that they would let her know if they had heard anything at all from Bam or from some one else about Bam's whereabouts. She sighed as she looked out the window; suddenly feeling like there was no hope at all in them even finding Bam.

….

Bam sat on a grassy hill looking down at the town below. The town of West Chester looked so peaceful and quiet from the top of this moonlit hill. But Bam knew that as he watched the town, it for the most part right then was anything but peaceful. He knew that people were worried about him and probably were looking for him, but he didn't want to think about what he was putting everyone through right then.

He closed his eyes and let out a shuddery sigh once the voices returned to his head. He wanted to be able to block out the voices but they grew louder. Placing his hands over his ears and closing his eyes tighter he tried to stifle the voices but they only began to mock him. They began laughing at him and then he shook his head.

"Go away!" He shouted

Bam buried his face into the back of his legs and wrapped his arms around his head. Soon the voices faded away and he was able to relax. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to fully relax until he did one thing. He pulled out his cell phone and turned it on, and then he called Missy.

"Bam where are you?"

"It doesn't matter. I just didn't want you to worry about me."

"A little late for that."

"Sorry I had to get out of the house. I have to be able to clear my head and find a place where I can relax."

"Wh-where are you going?"

"I don't know. Could be anywhere. I just want you to know that… don't try to get a hold of me. If I have to I'll contact you."

Before Missy could get in a plea Bam hung up and turned his phone off again.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Bam sat at the bar in a drunken haze with a beer in his hand. Someone had their arm around his shoulders and then patted his back. He knew that they were talking to him but he couldn't hear a single word they were saying. Their words just seemed to distant to him. He just took a drink of his beer and tried to drown out the ever present voices in his head. A hand was placed beneath his chin causing him to look up at the person next to him. He stares up at her through squinted eyes and then felt her lips press against his. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and he just accepted it.

A few minutes later Bam walked out of the bar followed by the mystery girl. She laughed and hopped up onto his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He grinned and carried her to her car, setting her down nicely on her feet once they got there. He leaned against the car to hold himself up as she unlocked the car doors and got inside. She opened the passenger side door for him nearly knocking him over. He regained his balance and got into the car. After he fastened his seatbelt he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the car seat. He heard her giggle and say something about how cute he looked before he passed out.

Bam woke up about fifteen minutes later and was told by the girl to go inside her apartment before it got cold outside. Without saying anything he got out of the car and let her help him inside. She lead him right into her bedroom and immediately began kissing him. He kissed back and allowed her to slide his jacket off of him. He placed his hands on her hips as he kissed her and slid his fingers past the top of her skirt and grazed her skin. They began to back up towards the bed, kissing deeply the whole way. Once they reached the bed their clothes began to come off and landed on the floor around their feet. She sat on the bed and scooted back, watching him the whole time. He then got into the bed and crawled up to her. He crawled right on to p of her and began sucking on her neck.

….

Missy rolled over and grabbed her cell phone. She flipped it open and sleepily held it up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

She opened her eyes and reached for the switch on the lamp by the bed.

"Bam?" She yawned and looked at the clock "It's 3:30 in the morning. Why are you calling?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Where are you?"

"Somewhere."

"Well that's saying a lot. Where are you?"

"You don't need to know. Were you sleeping?"

"Well the word 'duh' comes to mind. Why the hell did you call me so early in the morning?"

"Because I wanted to." He sighed "I'm sorry I shouldn't have called. I'll call again tomorrow."

"Ok babe."

"Go back to sleep. Bye."

Bam hung up and put his phone back into his pants pocket. He then leaned back in the bed to where he would have his head on the pillow. He let his arm go around her shoulders and he pulled her closer to him. She looked at him and smiled before resting her head on his chest.

"Who did you call?" She asked

"No one important right now."

He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes. Soon the two of them fell asleep snuggling in each other's arms. Before Bam fell asleep, though, he knew that he was going to have to explain a lot to Missy once he returned home.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight

A loud "thud" outside caused Missy to jump up in her seat. She listened for the source of the sound and then she heard what sounded like someone or something banging, and almost scratching it seemed, at the back door. She got up and went over to the door to see what could have been causing the noise. Once she opened the door a very exhausted and nearly frozen Bam collapsed onto his hands and knees by her feet.

"Bam!"

She knelt down and helped Bam up, bringing him inside. He shivered and his teeth chattered as she held her arms around him while walking him to the lounge.

"Where have you been!"

"It's fucking freezing out there!" He said, ignoring her question

Bam sniffed some snot that had run out of his nose, causing Missy to cringe. She had him sit down and then left to get a blanket for him. Missy came back and wrapped a blanket around him and fixed him a cup of tea. He sat there bundled in the blanket and sipping the tea while Missy sat across from him. His skin was pale but his cheeks and knuckles were red from the cold. It was obvious that he had been outdoors in the increasingly colder fall temperatures for quite sometime, having wearing what he had on the day he had left.

"What were you doing outside for so long?"

Bam took a sip of his tea "It's not like I really had anywhere to go. I walked around for a while just to keep warm and then I decided that it would make more sense to just come home."

"Why did you leave to begin with?"

He glanced up at her "I needed to be alone."

Missy sighed a little and then Bam sniffed before going into a sneeze fit. She got up and picked up the box of tissues and brought it over to Bam. He plucked a couple from the box and used one to blow his nose.

"Just… just how long were you outside?"

Bam shrugged his shoulders "A couple days I guess."

"A couple days!"

"Yeah. Found a nice spot and I slept on the grass. It got so cold at night. It really sucked." He said as he wiped his nose on the tissue

"You're crazy. I can't believe you slept outside."

"Why not?" He looked at her "I'm crazy aren't I? You just said so yourself."

Bam began to sneeze again and then Missy moved closer to him. She placed a hand on his forehead and then moved away.

"Bam you're burning up. I'm putting you to bed right now."

He nodded his head and stood up. She held an arm around him and helped him upstairs to their bedroom. Once in the room Bam crawled into bed and beneath the covers. He closed his eyes and let out a small moan.

"This fucking sucks… I hate being sick."

"Well you're the one who slept outside when the weather is getting cold."

Bam sighed and pulled the blankets tighter around him. He snuggled the pillow close to him and tried to get comfortable. Missy let out a small sigh as she watched him. She couldn't believe how quickly Bam had turned into a helpless child lying there sick in bed.

"You try to sleep. I'll be back soon with some medicine for you."

She turned to leave the room and then stopped to look at Bam again. She thought that he looked so pitiful all curled up in bed like he was. Even though he was sick and she was still concerned about his mental health, she was glad that he had come home.

Luckily Bam wasn't as sick as he could have been. He was able to stay in bed while someone took care of him, which felt good to him. That, of course, was the only thing that made him feel good while he was sick. He coughed, he sneezed, he felt achy all over, he had a high fever, and he often felt cold despite being buried under more than one blanket. Missy came in to bring him medicine, tissues, and when he felt well enough to eat she brought him some food as well.

As he lay there in bed trying to sleep Bam opened his eyes some. He frowned over the familiar sound returning to his ears. This sound was the voices in his head. He thought that he had gotten rid of the voices a couple nights prior as he lay there in the grass that was cold enough to become covered in a thin layer of frost. But now he learned that the voices leaving his head when they did was just temporary.

He moaned and rolled over, pulling the pillow around his head. He hoped that he would be able to block out the sound of the voices bust so far it wasn't working. For a moment the voices grew louder which caused him to close his eyes tight. He whimpered and felt hot tears beginning to form behind his eyes. The voices continued to taunt him but he managed only to keep himself from crying. Missy entered the room on time for the voices to begin to fade away. Bam opened his eyes and pulled the pillow off of his head as he looked at her. She walked up to the bed with s soft sympathetic smile upon her lips and she held a thermometer in her hand.

"How are you feeling baby?"

"How do I look?"

She sighed slightly, not wanting to answer him. She sat on the edge of the bed and held the thermometer out "Bam let me take your temperature."

He let out a little groan before opening his mouth for the thermometer. Just holding it in place under his tongue almost hurt him to do so. He cursed the process in his head until the thermometer beeped and Missy took it out of his mouth.

"Your fever has come down but not by much. You keep the blankets pulled up around you tightly so your fever can break."

Bam nodded his head slowly "Could you bring me a cup of tea?" He said a little weakly

"Of course."

Missy stood up and left the room. Bam folded his arm beneath his head on the pillow and looked up at the ceiling. He hoped right then that the voices he had heard were caused by the fever but he knew better. He closes his eyes to try to get some sleep before Missy brought him his tea he requested. Bam was miserable. He was miserable at the moment mainly because of his illness. He was also miserable because of his mental and emotional state he had been in for quite some time. He cursed himself for leaving when he did because when he thought that leaving would have helped him to feel better, it had actually made things much worse for himself. Not only did he think that he made things worse on himself because he had gotten sick, but he had a feeling that the worst was actually yet to come.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

Bam walked downstairs wrapped in a blanket. He walked over to the couch and sank down deep into the cushion. His mouth was turned down into a pouty frown that did not appear to be going away at any time soon. He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand and let out a soft moan.

"Missy?" He called out with a whiney tone

Missy, upon hearing Bam's call, came into the room. She went over to him and ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead as she felt how warm he was.

"What are you doing down here? I thought you were sleeping."

"I was sleeping. But now I'm not. Could you do a favor for me?"

"What do you need me to do?"

"Get me something to eat please."

"Alright."

She turned away and went into the kitchen. A few minutes later she came back with a bowl of soup and handed it to Bam.

"Here you go Bam."

"Thanks."

Bam held onto the bowl and stared into the soup before beginning to eat it.

"You do look a little better, bam. Not as pale and your fever has gone down."

Bam nodded his head while eating a spoonful of soup "I feel better. Well I still feel like shit, but I feel better."

"You're so stupid for being outdoors for so long. We're you _trying_ to make yourself sick?"

"Yes."

Missy rolled her eyes and shook her head. The phone rang and she got up to answer it. While she talked on the phone, Bam sat on the couch minding his own business, calmly eating the rest of his soup. When he was finished he sat the bowl on the table near by and then leaned his head back against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. A few minutes later after hanging up the phone, Missy stood right in front of Bam.

She stood firmly with her hands on her hip and tried to keep her cool. She cleared her throat to get Bam's attention. He looked at her and saw the anger forming on her face.

"What?"

"I just had a really interesting conversation over the phone, Bam." Bam swallowed, having a gut feeling what the conversation was about "Tell me, Bam, would you happen to know a girl named Sara?"

"I…"

"She says that she met you at a bar a couple weeks ago. Is this true?"

Bam was about to say something but then he nodded his head instead.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" Her anger that she was trying to control was rising. Once again Bam just nodded his answer "Yeah that's what she old me. Well it turns out that you left something behind after you slept with her."

He looked directly at her with slightly wider eyes. He was about to explain to her what had happened and why he wound up sleeping with another girl, but before he could speak Missy slapped him hard across the face. He held the side of his face where she hit him and looked at her. He was stunned but yet he knew it was coming. He also knew that he deserved it and felt as though she should have done more than slap him.

"Congratulations, Bam, you're going to be a father."

Bam's jaw dropped and he looked away. He looked back up at Missy and saw tears in her eyes. Neither of them knew what to say but they both had many things running through their minds right then.

….

Bam and Missy had been screaming at each other for hours. They both had reached the point that they were in tears and their voices were getting hoarse from all the yelling they had been doing. They bother had grown exhausted and emotionally drained from fighting with each other. This was the biggest fight that the couple ever hat with each other and they both felt that their relationship would never be the same afterwards.

Missy went up to their bedroom. Through her tears and all the emotions she was feeling at the moment she gathered up all her clothes and piled them on the bed. Bam stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame of the door as he watched her pack. Despite the fight they just had, his heart sank as he watched her.

She threw the rest of her unpacked clothes into a suitcase and then took off her engagement ring and placed it on the bed. She turned to leave the room and stopped in front of the door where Bam stood.

"Move." She said curtly

Bam looked down and stepped out of her way. In a way he wanted to beg her to stay. But he knew that at the moment it was best that she was leaving. He really messed up. He messed up so badly and there was no way he could fix his mistakes. Now as he watched Missy leave he felt his whole world crumble around him, and there wasn't anything that he could do about it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten

Bam lay curled up on the bed, staring at what ever was in front of him. In his hand he clutched Missy's engagement ring. He felt like he was unable to move. Not only that but he felt like he didn't even deserve to move let alone be alive right then. So many things were running through his mind that he didn't know what he felt the worst about. He opened his hand and looked at the ring resting in his palm. As he focused on the ring he kept imagining Missy's face and how she looked right before she left. He saw the tears of anger and of pain streaming down her face as she yelled at him and fought with him. He then closed his fingers tight around the ring again and threw it across the room.

He gripped his pillow that was beneath his head and then wrapped his arm around it, bringing it closer to his chest. The tears could no longer be contained as he hugged his pillow and once they started falling they fell fast and uncontrollably. He hated every single thing about himself and what he had done. He hated how badly he hurt Missy when there was no reason for it. He hated how Missy was the one who had to find out first that he was having a child with the girl he cheated on her with. He hated the fact that there was now a child involved in the whole mess that he felt was his life. He hated that no matter how much he wanted to change things, none of what had occurred could not be changed.

Bam gripped the sheets. He pounded his fist into the bed. He wanted to reach up and pull his hair out. His stomach hurt. His voice was going. All his emotions were pouring out at once as he sobbed. This was the worst breakdown he had experienced in a while. And to make things worse for him he knew that he had brought it all upon himself this time. His sobbing lasted a while and he barely had any voice left once it had finished. He slowly sat up and looked around his room, wiping remaining tears off of his face. Slowly he made his way off of the bed and he went over to the closet. He opened the closet door and peered in at his clothes and the empty space beside them where Missy's clothes had been hanging. He looked up at the shelf above the clothes and saw that there were still a couple duffel bags up there. His eyes closed and he blindly reached up to pull down a duffel bag.

With the bag in his hand, he hastily stuffed it with some of his own clothes. He then went over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. From the dresser he took out some more clothes and threw them into the bag. He grabbed a few more things; a couple hats, a necklace, and a pair of sunglasses, and put them in the bag on top of his clothes. He then zipped the bag and left his room, heading downstairs. Before he reached the bottom step he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and made a phone call.

….

Bam knocked on the door as hard as he could and then rested his forehead on it. Hearing the click of the door handle, he stepped away from the door a little. The door opened and April looked at him, immediately holding her arms out to pull him into a hug.

"Bam I'm here for you." She patted his back soothingly

"Ape I… I really fucked up. You should hate me right now."

"I could never hate you." She walked him inside and closed the door "What happened with you and Missy?"

"She left. We had a huge fight and she left." He dropped his bag and plopped down on the couch

April sat down next to him "What did you fight about?"

Bam sighed "I fucked up, I already told you that." He closed his eyes, feeling tears start to form again "I cheated on her and she found out. But it gets worse." He looked at her with big saddened eyes "I… I got the girl pregnant."

April gasped and covered her mouth with her hand "Oh God… Bam you're not serious."

"April I'm very serious. I hate to hell that I am. I have no idea what to do now, mom."

April sighed and then wrapped her arms around him. He let her hug him while he held his head against her chest. The two of them talked for a little while about Bam's situation. She admitted to him that she had never seen him nearly as scared about something as he was just then. He admitted to her that out of all the crazy and idiotic things he had ever done in his life, including all the insane death defying stunts he had pulled off and even when he had been locked in the trailer with a king cobra, he had never felt as scared about anything as he was in that moment of time. He told her that he felt like his entire life was ruined and that he no longer wanted to continue on with it; that he didn't deserve for his life to continue.

Once Bam was able to get past the over-dramatic, somewhat suicidal part of his discussion with April, the two of them were able to talk seriously about what he should do next. She decided that, after they talked it over with Phil, they would allow Bam to stay there with them as long as he needed. Bam needed to be able to sort things out but he felt that he couldn't be alone while he did so. The only people that he wanted to be around at the time were his parents. They were the only ones that he knew he could fully trust. They were the only ones he knew would be able to help him make clear decisions that he needed to make. They were the only ones he thought would understand the things that he believed that he needed to do. If his own parents couldn't help him through all this, then no one was going to be able to.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

Bam looked at his ringing cell phone and sighed heavily before setting it down. The call was from one of the last people he wanted to talk to; the mother of his un-born illegitimate child. She had been calling him all day and he didn't answer his phone any time that she called him. After hearing the last ring that indicated that she hung up, he lied back down on the couch. He stared up at the ceiling for a little while. The only movement he made was the blinking of his eyes and the rising and falling of his chest as he breathed.

For the past few weeks Bam had become deeply depressed. He didn't set foot out of his parents' house since he got there. April tried talking to him many times but a lot of the time Bam refused to respond to her. He had originally gone there so he could get help sorting things out but shortly after he got there he realized that things had gotten much more mixed up, especially when April tried talking to him and suggesting things that he should do.

He was too scared to even talk to Sara, because the only thing that they would be able to talk about was the baby. Every time he thought about the baby he thought about Missy and how he screwed up his life. He knew that there was no reason for him to cheat on Missy, but he did it any way and now he was paying big time for it. He had no idea what it took to be a good father or if he was even ready for it. But whether he was ready for it or not, the baby was going to be born.

He was too scared to go back home. After everything that had happened, even before news of the baby came along, he could not stand to be by himself. He discovered that once he was alone the voices that kept taunting him in his head turned out to be the worst. It was so hard for him to block the voices out whenever he managed to do so, and when he was by himself in a large empty house the voices seemed to echo loudly within the walls of his head. The voices scared him just as badly as the thought of the baby scared him, perhaps more, and he didn't know what to do about them. Some reason he found that when he was around April the voices could not be heard. Just hearing the sound of her voice when she talked to him helped him to stay calm and to keep the voices away.

He was too scared to even face his own fame. It was his fame that originally brought him into this state. He hated his own fame and thought that the longer he wasn't at home, the better it would be for him. He had planned on eventually going back home and face a big part of what he feared and hated. But right now he was too depressed to leave Phil and April's house.

...

April walked into the bedroom where Bam was staying in. This was the room that he stayed in when he lived there. Bam lay curled up on the bed with the blanket barely even covering his legs. With his back facing away from the door she couldn't tell if he was sleeping or just quietly laying still. She walked over to the bed and gently sat on the space behind Bam.

"Bam?" She said softly

Bam stirred a little. She placed a hand on his arm and raised her voice some.

"Bam you awake?"

He stirred again and lifted his head slightly. His eyes opened but he didn't turn to look at her.

"I am now. What do you want?"  
"I just wanted to know if you would want to eat something."  
"Eat something?"  
"I have dinner ready. Would you like me to fix you a plate?"  
He paused for a few seconds "Yeah sure I guess."

April nodded her head and then stood up. Bam sat up and turned to face her.

"April wait. I want to talk to you."  
She turned back around and looked at him "What about?"  
"Well it's just um… that I…" He sighed and looked down "I've been thinking a lot…"  
"Thinking about what?"  
He shook his head "I don't want to tell you."  
"You can tell me, you know you can."  
"I know I _can_ tell you. I just don't want to tell you."  
"Bam please talk to me. If you have something on your mind then tell me what it is."  
He took a deep breath and then looked at her with sad eyes "It's just that… I uh… I've been… I've been thinking about… um… if I died."  
"If you died?"  
Bam nodded "Yeah… like if I took my own life."

April gasped hearing Bam's suicidal statement. She sat on his bed next to him, stunned, and he began to explain everything he had on his mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The front door opened and Bam stepped out onto the porch. He put his sunglasses on, despite the fact that it was cloudy outside, and then pulled the hood on his sweatshirt up over his dark hair. He turned and looked back at April who was standing behind him in the doorway. He stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you for helping me." He said softly

She patted his back "You don't have to thank me. I'm glad to be able to help you."

He let out a small sigh and pulled away from her. He then looked forward toward the driveway where his car was parked. This was the first time he even went outside since he got there. Everything felt so strange to him. He almost wanted to turn around and go back inside to hide from the world but he knew that he needed to leave right them. He looked at April again and nodded his head a little.

"I'll be back soon."

"Ok sweetie."

Bam took a deep breath and set foot off of the porch. He felt nervous just walking over to his car and putting the key in the door, but he knew that he had to go through with what he was going to do. He was going to face the outside world again, something he hadn't done in weeks. He opened the car door and got inside. Taking one last look at April, who was still standing in the doorway watching him, Bam then pulled out of the driveway. April watched him drive away and then went back into the house.

….

The rain seemed to be pouring down in bucket-sized drops. Windshield wipers were moving feverously trying to keep the falling water away from the view of the drivers. The roads were so slippery and so slick that cars had a hard time staying on their "tracks". Cars slid and skidded everywhere but all accidents could not be avoided.

Bam felt his adrenaline rushing through his veins as he drove. Sometimes he had to squint his eyes in order to make sense of things on the road in front of him. Lights from other cars looked blurred and it was hard to make out the rest of the cars that were surrounding him. A few times he nearly had to swerve or slam on the brakes, having missed an accident by a hair.

He stopped at a four-way stop and held his breath. Two cars went by before it was his turn to go. As he drove again he began muttering things to himself. He turned on his cd player and began to play the HIM cd that he had in the player as loud as he possibly could just to drown out every thought he had at the moment.

"It's now or never." He quietly said to himself before slamming on the gas pedal

He let his car go into the next lane. The car in that lane swerved to avoid him but with the wet road and poor visibility, the driver wound up hitting the side of Bam's car. Bam's car spun out and then flipped over into the near by ditch. The car that his him ran into another car that was close behind him. Other drivers near by, upon seeing the accident, slowed down to see what had happened. Cars stopped and people got out to try to get a closer look at the wrecked vehicles. Soon ambulances and police cars showed up at the accident scene, and people were told to stay away.

Two police officers stood on the front porch of Phil and April's house. Phil opened the door and looked out at them before calling for April to come to the door.

"Yes, officers, what seems to be the problem?" Phil asked, trying to stay calm

"Mr. and Mrs. Margera?" One of the officers asked

April nodded her head "Yes that's us." She said with a little bit of a worried tone

"We're sorry to inform you like this, but because of the heavy rain tonight, there have been some deadly accidents."

Phil put an arm around April ad focused on the two officers standing before them. April felt a lump forming in her throat and a pain in the pit of her stomach.

"There was a three-car accident not far from here, and unfortunately your son's car was involved."

April gasped "Is he… is he ok?"

"We're terribly sorry. We haven't been able to find his body but there is no way that anyone could have survived this accident."

April fell into Phil's arms and began to cry. Phil held her close and rubbed her back a little. He glanced at the two police officers and softly thanked them for letting them know what happened. The police left and Phil and April went back inside the house.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen

The news of Bam's death spread fast. His fans worldwide were shocked and devastated when they found out. Many hearts and dreams had been shattered once the fans' idol and heartthrob had fallen, leaving a short-lived legacy behind.

Bam's friends and family had been affected profoundly as well. His parents were forced to grieve the loss of their youngest son. They told people that although he had spent years driving them insane by the things he had done to them and to himself; they cherished every moment with him and would give anything just to have one more day with Bam. His closest friends had lost their leader; the one who convinced them all to do all kinds of crazy things, and that no harm could ever be done to them by doing those crazy things. Even Bam's unborn child was left to suffer his passing. His child would have to grow up without a father. This child would have to grow up hearing all kinds of stories about Bam, seeing tons of pictures of Bam, watching television shows and movies that Bam was in, but they would never be able to hear him speak to them, feel his touch as he held them, or be face-to-face with him. This child would always know who their father was, but they would never actually get to know him.

Phil and April walked into the funeral home where Bam's memorial was being held. Phil held and arm around April as she dabbed tears away from her eyes onto a wadded up tissue. He walked her past some people and helped her sit down at the front of the room. The two of them talked quietly amongst themselves until someone would come up to them to ask them how they were doing, and to give them their condolences. For the most part they both were able to hold themselves together. Every once in a while April would rest her head against Phil's shoulder and cry softly. It was hard for anyone there not to cry. Everyone almost couldn't believe how much Bam was going to be missed.

….

Phil opened the door and let April enter the house first. April took off her shoes and Phil removed his suit jacket and tie. They both went into their bedroom for a few moments to talk to each other and change. April left the room and walked slowly down the hall to Bam's old bedroom. She pushed the door open gently and peered inside with a sigh. She stood there leaning against the doorjamb for a brief moment before entering the room. Walking over to the bed she then sat down and placed a hand over the blanket.

"Bam…" She said softly as she nudged the lump that was beneath the blanket

Bam stirred and then turned over onto his back. He opened his eyes and sat up, looking at her.

"Hey Ape… what time is it?"

"It's going on 5:30. We just got back from your, um, memorial."

"Was it nice?"

"Actually, yes. There's no doubt that you would have liked it." She let out a slight grin "Especially once Dico went up to say a few words."

"Oh he spoke? I actually wouldn't have expected that." He looked at her closer "Were you crying?"

She nodded "I didn't even have to try actually."

"Boy, Ape, when you act sad you really lay it on thick, don't you?"

"Even though I cried, people actually told me how surprised they were to see how well I was keeping myself together. Losing my son so unexpectedly and all."

Bam couldn't help but let out a snicker. April immediately slapped him upside his head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"This isn't funny Bam! I can't believe you! Even when you're supposed to be dead you're being a mean little boy."

"Lighten up, Ape."

"Lighten up?" She rubbed her eyes "Bam I still can't believe that you decided to fake your own death and that you actually talked me and Phil into going along with this."

Bam looked at her seriously. His eyes had begun to fill with tears and he shook his head a little.

"Mom I… I needed to do this. I needed to be able to… let go of everything. I needed to break away from "Bam Margera", the whole persona that everyone, including you Phil and the rest of our family thought they knew." The tears began to fall "I had to escape that whole life that I've hated for a long time. And the only way that I could possibly do this was to have everyone believe that I was dead. Do you have any idea how hard it's been these past months, no, the past few years for me to just live my life? I got to the point where I hated every single moment of my life. It's why I lashed out, why I started destroying everything that I loved, why I got rid of all that money, why the slightest thing would cause me to break down into tears that I could not control, why I was being driven crazy and not able to even think right and why I had completely lost control of my emotions…" He sniffed and covered his face with his hands "I absolutely can not stand my life and what it's done to me. Now do you see why I had to do this?"

April wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. She kissed the top of his head and rocked him gently as he cried. Once he was able to calm down, he, April and Phil sat down and talked seriously about his situation and reasoning behind it all. They talked about what he would do once he was going out in public again and about if and when he decided to come clean about faking his death. Bam admitted that he hated that it had to come down to all this but the three of them agreed that it would be the best thing for him to stay inside until he was back to a healthy mental and emotional state. Not only did he hate that he had to stay inside but he hated putting everyone else through a false grief over his "loss". But he knew it all had to be done. He knew that it was the only way for him to be able to finally let go of everything that troubled him. Of course it would be a while before he would be able to sleep easy at night but he was willing to do whatever it took to get him to achieve that sigh of relief.


End file.
